


When It's Party Time, Horniness Is A Crime

by PaperJu



Series: Strange things happen for no reason [3]
Category: Among Us (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Black and Pink just want to bone, Crack not treated seriously, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Multi, Never I have Ever is a terrible game to play and they all regret it in the morning, Orange is the cool mom, Yellow is trying so hard to cockblock everyone, i wrote since instead of working on my master's thesis, it's pretty raunchy ya know, mandantory party fic where everyone gets wasted, nothing too graphic don't worry but they talk about sex a LOT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27589513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperJu/pseuds/PaperJu
Summary: The crew throws a party. Yellow tries to ruin everyone's fun, and gets another partner in the process.
Relationships: Black/Pink (Among Us), Blue/White (Among Us), Red/Yellow (Among Us)
Series: Strange things happen for no reason [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967029
Comments: 20
Kudos: 102





	When It's Party Time, Horniness Is A Crime

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place after the events of my previous fic, but it can be read as a standalone. All you need to know is that the crew is running away from MIRA with an impostor (Black). And also that they are all (horny) idiots. 
> 
> It’s pretty suggestive so read at your own discretion! There are A LOT of sex mentions, and implied sexual acts. Also, alcohol and drug uses (consensual and safe, don’t worry).
> 
> Title is taken from a Vice article called "101 Ways to Ruin a Party"

** Ship’s communication system **

**Blue** : party tonight yeaaaaahhh

 **Green:** tututututuuuuu tututututututuuu

 **Blue:** hey guess what cool feature i’ve just discovered?

 **Green:** do tell

 **Blue:** we can change our name in the conversation!

 **Green:** fuck yeah!!

**[Blue] changed their name to [Party Hard]**

**[Green] changed their name to [BringTheBooze]**

**[Pink] changed their name to [Sweetheart n°1]**

**[Purple] changed their name to [Nerd]**

**Nerd:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Sweetheart n°1:** that’s pretty cool!

 **Yellow:** Before the party starts I would like to fix some rules.

 **Party Hard:** oh fuck mom is here

**[Blue] changed [Yellow]’s name to [Mom]**

**Mom:** Fuck you, Blue. Listen to me or you will be on garbage duty for a month.

 **BringTheBooze:** you’re not fun

 **Mom:** Fuck you too, Green. I’m very fun. I know how to have fun. I also know how Blue acts when they are drunk.

 **Red:** It’s not pretty.

 **White:** I love you Blue, but it’s true, you are a terrible drunk. 

**Party Hard:** TRAITOR.

**[Party Hard] changed [White]’s name to [Traitor]**

**BringTheBooze:** hahaahheh

 **Party Hard:** I’m taking the kid in the divorce

 **Traitor:** You won’t last three days without me darling :)

 **Sweetheart n°1:** ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

 **Party Hard:** yeah, true

 **Mom:** As much as I love seeing Blue getting roasted by their own partner, I would like you to listen to me for 5 minutes without any interruption.

 **Orange:** oh well, good luck. I’m not helping you for that one Yellow

 **Red:** Kids, listen closely. I don’t want Yellow to have another stroke.

 **Sweetheart n°1:** Another???

 **Orange:** yeah, we don’t talk about that

 **Mom:** ANYWAYS.

 **Party Hard:** okay mom we are listening

 **BringTheBooze:** yeah mom what are the rules

 **Mom:** 1) No cocktails, mixing alcohols that shouldn’t be mixed, or “spiced punch”. 

**Party Hard:** so we can still drink?

 **Mom:** YES. BUT NOT TOO MUCH. 

**BringTheBooze:** okay, that’s not too hard, go on

 **Mom:** 2) No drinking games.

 **Party Hard:** oh come on! Those are what make a party interesting! 

**Sweetheart n°1:** drinking games are fun!

 **Red:** And they are very bad for your health. As your medic I advise a reasonable amount of drinking. And drinking games are the OPPOSITE of reasonable.

 **BringTheBooze:** yeah, but they _are_ fun

 **Party Hard:** cranky because you’re a lightweight, Red?

 **Mom:** Insult my partner again and you are dead, Blue.

 **BringTheBooze:** protective mom to the rescue

 **Party Hard:** chill Yellow I’m just stating facts.

 **Traitor:** Blue, please be quiet.

 **BringTheBooze:** HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHahha

 **Mom:** 3) No drugs.

 **Nerd:** ಠ╭╮ಠ

 **BringTheBooze:** are you kidding me

 **Party Hard:** I WAS SO EXCITED LIME WAS GOING TO GET HIGH FOR THE FIRST TIME

 **BringTheBooze:** you are crushing our dreams, Yellow

 **Mom:** Yes, I know.

 **Red:** I must admit, it’s really fun. 

**Orange:** I don’t see why

 **Red:** I don’t like parties.

**[Party Hard] changed [Red]’s name to [Boring mom]**

**[Party Hard] changed [Orange]’s name to [Cool mom]**

**Cool mom:** I’m flattered but why am I the cool mom?

 **Boring mom:** fuck you, Blue.

 **Sweetheart n°1:** you know why, Orange <3

 **Lime:** Hi everyone!! Sorry I’m late I was finishing up my tasks! What did I miss?

 **Party Hard:** Yellow is trying to ruin our party

**[Sweetheart n°1] changed [Lime]’s name to [Sweetheart n°2]**

**Nerd:** It’s true and you should say it

 **Sweetheart n°1:** I know I’m right.

 **Sweetheart n°2:** :O

 **Boring mom:** Why do I have such a lame nickname I hate you all.

 **Party Hard:** you know what you did, Red

 **Mom:** Honey you can change your name whenever you want, just go to settings.

 **Nerd:** you two are so cute (~˘▾˘)~

 **BringTheBooze:** can we go back to the part where Yellow tried to ban drugs from the party??? Because I feel like we haven’t talked about it enough

 **Cool mom:** Can I propose an exception to the rule?

 **Party Hard:** YEAH GO AHEAD COOL MOM

 **Mom:** Why must you undermine my authority?

 **Cool mom:** I want to get high too. So: as long as Yellow doesn’t see us, we can smoke as much as we want.

 **BringTheBooze:** YEAH DEAL!

 **Mom:** I hate you, Orange.

 **Boring mom:** Come on Yellow, be nice.

 **Mom:** You too Red??

 **Boring mom:** Listen. I need to blow off some steam too. And if SOMEONE were to hand me a joint, I wouldn’t say no, you see.

 **Sweetheart n°1:** @ **Black** this is your moment

 **Sweetheart n°2:** Wait what??

 **Black:** hewwo

 **Party Hard:** WHO TAUGHT THEM THE UwU SPEACH

 **Nerd:** Me, of course \ (•◡•) /

 **Party Hard:** Square up, bitch, you are dead

 **Traitor:** Language, darling.

 **Party Hard:** sorry babe

**[Sweetheart n°1] changed [Black]’s name to [Weed]**

**Weed:** I’m innocent UwU

 **BringTheBooze:** sure

 **Mom:** SO THAT’S WHY YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME IN THE GREEN HOUSE BLACK?

 **Boring mom:** This is hilarious.

 **Mom:** BLACK, DON’T IGNORE ME, HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING BEHIND MY BACK?

 **Sweetheart n°1:** Calm down, Yellow. Black only started smoking because of me. 

**Mom:** Pink??? You???

 **Cool mom:** did you really think Pink was just naturally chill? How naive.

 **Sweetheart n°1:** lol that’s on you Yellow it’s not like I’m hiding it :)

 **BringTheBooze:** this is great I’m having so much fun

 **Traitor:** Please Pink, don’t smoke in front of our kid!

 **Sweetheart n°1:** of course not!! Who do you think I am?

 **Party Hard:** a manipulative little snake, that’s what you are

 **Sweetheart n°1:** I see you are not pulling back your punches today, Blue

 **Party Hard:** you were smoking the whole time AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN SHARE??

 **Nerd:** Hey, is Yellow okay?

 **Boring mom:** Of course. They are simply taking a little break from the conversation. They asked me to tell you the next rule.

 **Party Hard:** aww I was hoping they had forgotten

 **Cool mom:** Yellow, forgetting a rule? No way.

 **Boring mom:** Okay so rule number 4: no fraternization.

 **BringTheBooze:** what

 **Sweetheart n°2:** I’m confused what does it mean?

 **Cool mom:** it means no horny business

 **Nerd:** I really want to know what prompted this rule

 **Traitor:** Does that mean I’m not allowed to hold Blue’s hand?

 **Boring mom:** Of course not, that would be absurd. You two are together. You have a child.

 **Nerd:** I’m very confused ಠ_ಠ

 **Cool mom:** a wise philosopher once said “when it's party time, horniness is a crime”

 **Mom:** Hey, I’m back, and this rule was specifically created for Pink and Black.

**[Several people are typing...]**

* * *

**[Blue] created the conversation _Fuck them rules_**

**[Blue] added [Green], [Lime] and [Purple]**

**Blue:** okay so

 **Green:** oh shit here we go again

 **Lime:** I don’t want to get in trouble :’(

 **Blue:** don’t worry kid, everybody loves you

 **Green:** even Yellow

 **Lime:** nice :)

 **Purple:** So uh. What’s the plan?

 **Green:** why do I have a bad feeling about this

**[Blue] changed the conversation’s name to _Black and Pink are going to fuk_**

**Purple:** Blue, we have a CHILD in this conversation!! (ʘᗩʘ')

 **Lime:** Hey, I know what fuck means. I’m not _that_ young

 **Green:** they grow up so fast

 **Blue:** see ? no problem

 **Purple:** So basically. We are just going to completely ignore Yellow’s rules.

 **Blue:** Y E S

 **Green:** I can take care of the cocktails. I learned a few tricks in my youth

 **Blue:** I knew you would say that, you crazy bastard <3

 **Lime:** I can propose a drinking game. Yellow can’t say no to me!

 **Blue:** Yeeees perfect, do the puppy eyes and they will break

 **Purple:** Black and Pink are taking care of the drugs part. 

**Blue:** yeah, they are our heroes. But Purple, we have the most important mission to accomplish tonight

 **Purple:**... making them fuck?

 **Blue:** MAKING THEM FUCK!!

 **Green:** I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s tired of seeing them dancing around each other

 **Lime:** They are cute :3

 **Blue:** yes they are, but they also need to bone

 **Purple:** Okay I agree, but also. Black is. An impostor.

 **Green:** I don’t see your point

 **Purple:** Do we know if they are. Uh. Compatible?

 **Green:** aww that’s cute

 **Blue:** listen, Purple. Everything is compatible if you are brave enough

 **Green:** or if you’re a monsterfucker

 **Purple:** I can’t believe I’m friend with you two.

 **Lime:** Not to be a freak but I saw Black’s tongue and... wow O-o

 **Purple:** NOT YOU TOO LIME °Д°

 **Blue:** Purple, don’t be a little bitch

 **Purple:** I’m not. I will help you. But I really don’t want to think about uh. The thing in itself, you know?

 **Green:** Don’t worry. I’m sure Pink won’t tell us what happened in great detail tomorrow morning. During breakfast.

 **Purple:** Why does it feel like a threat.

 **Green:** Because it is one.

 **Purple:** ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡

* * *

“Drinking game!” Lime yelled, spilling beer on the floor when they made an enthusiastic gesture meant to get the attention of the Adults (Red, Orange and Yellow).

“Oh fuck yeah” Green tossed back the rest of their drink, and made a grabby motion toward White, who was sitting next to the bottles of alcohol. Red muttered “language, Green” but nobody paid attention to them. Rude.

Yellow crossed their arms and put a stern look on their face. “I said no drinking games” they almost yelled when Blue refilled Black’s glasses. Purple sneakily took a sip of their third glass of wine.

Lime turned to Yellow, and gave them a pleading look coupled with some puppy eyes. Yellow’s heart and resolve broke very fast. They sighted, waved a hand around, “Just one round, and nobody drinks too much”, and Lime’s smile was so bright it could have powered the ship for a week.

“What game?” asked Blue, who was perched on White’s lap, feeding them snacks lovingly.

Pink was slightly swaying on their seat, because they had smoked before joining the party, and Black was not any better, desperately trying to form a face to taste their drink, also because they had smoked before joining the party.

(It was, apparently, harder for impostors to morph into their true form when they were high. Pink tried not to laugh when Black’s mouth appeared on their shoulder.)

“Never I have ever” Orange proposed, faking disinterest very badly.

“Sold!” Green was talking too loudly for someone who allegedly had only drunk one glass of root wine. “I start! Never I have ever... being in a threesome!”

Yellow moaned and banged their head against the table. Red patted their back sympathetically. Nobody drank except from White and Blue, the latter smiling proudly, probably excepting a medal or something. Green made a disgusted noise. Purple was bright red, and visibly uncomfortable. Black asked Pink what threesome meant, and nodded sagely when they heard the answer. 

“Trying to spice up things in the bedroom?” Green asked, and Blue tried to seductively lie down on the table, and White barely managed to stop them from falling face first on the floor.

“Nah. We were just curious” White explained, putting their arms around their disastrous partner, which was smart. Blue kissed the top of their head loudly, a broad smile on their face.

“Okay, next one! My turn” Lime said, visibly not interested in the sex life of the catastrophic couple. “Never I have ever... send an embarrassing message to the wrong person.” Everybody groaned. “And finish your drink if it was a _very_ embarrassing message, like sex stuff” Lime added with a shit-eating grin, and Green whistled, impressed. Kid was learning fast.

Red, Orange, Purple and White drank. Yellow, Pink and Blue finished their drink, the former with a guilty look and a quick glance in Red’s direction.

“I’m not surprised for Blue, and I knew about Yellow, but Pink?” Red said. Pink looked at them straight in the eye, and grabbed a bottle to refill their glass.

“I sent a nude to my ex’s parent when I was younger.”

Blue burst out laughing and Green snickered. Purple was apparently dying from second-hand embarrassment, and they finished their drink way too quickly, coughing a bit. Black frowned, but didn’t say anything. Maybe they were jealous or something.

“Hilarious” Orange commented. Yellow was slowly sliding under the table, groaning about _young people having not fucking filters_.

“Language, babe” Red said, again.

“Never I have ever... had a tattoo” Blue announced, looking very pointedly at Pink, who made a face at them and drank. To everyone’s surprise, Purple drank too.

“I have my favourite constellation on my back” was honestly a very on brand thing to say for Purple, and White asked what constellation it was. Purple smiled like the dumbass in love with space they were.

“It’s Eridanus.”

Nobody knew what Purple was talking about, so they all nodded as if they had the constellation in mind, and moved on (not before Blue asked if Purple was going to show their tattoo and Purple said no in a high-pitched voice).

“Okay, my turn” Pink said, their cheeks red and a wicked smile on their face. “Never I have ever... said I love you to someone just to sleep with them.”

Green actually looked like they were wondering if they were supposed to drink. Orange sighted very loudly, and took a big sip of their drink, ignoring Yellow’s scandalised expression, and Blue’s screaming.

“ORANGE YOU DID WHAAAAAT!!”

Green drank, having decided they had once did it, and Purple put their face in their hands, muttering something that sounded like _decadence_ and _depravity_.

“I was young and dumb. I’m not proud of it. Don’t do it, kids” Orange said, shrugging, and Pink smiled widely. Nobody saw Lime taking a small sip with guilt written all over their face.

“Never I have ever... had a crush on a teacher” Orange snickered, and Red glared at them before drinking.

“It was supposed to be a secret, Orange” they mumbled, and White took a sip too. Of course, everybody wanted some clarifications.

“It was my art teacher, I was just a teenager and nobody happened” White explained, and it was tame enough for the whole crew to coo.

“Red, on the other hand, send a dozen of love-letters to one of the surgeons who taught us at the Academy” Orange was so proud of themselves for betraying their friend. Pink and Lime burst out laughing. Blue’s jaw dropped, and they pointed an accusing finger toward Red, who was living to their name sake and had turned a deep shade of crimson.

“You! You, the perfect crewmate, you tried to _seduce_ a teacher!” Blue’s voice had reached levels of astonishment never heard before. White secured their grip around their partner, probably fearing another fall.

Yellow was laughing, which was surprising. They kissed Red’s cheek and refilled their glass, and Lime discreetly made a thumb up in Blue’s direction. Blue giggled. The plan was working perfectly.

“It didn’t last long, and nothing happened. They already had a partner” Red muttered. Orange rolled their eyes, but kept their mouths shut.

Yellow pondered for a few seconds before finding a good one.

“Never I have ever been arrested by MIRA” they said, and everyone laughed, because they were all technically criminals on the run. But still, not everybody drank.

Blue drank. Nobody was surprised.

Pink drank. Everybody was surprised.

Orange drank. Half of the crew was surprised, the other one, not so much.

“I did graffiti when I was a kid. MIRA did not like my art. “Pink explained. “I ruined a lot of Outposts’ walls before they decided to arrest me and give me a boring lecture about respecting public property.”

Lime was looking at Pink with awe and wonder in their eyes. Yellow hoped the kid wasn’t going to follow Pink’s footsteps and try to redecorate the ship.

Blue told them they were arrested three times for “disorderly conduct in public area”, and five times for illegal smuggling.

“What were you smuggling?” Purple asked. Blue winced.

“Glitter.”

It didn’t make any sense, but nobody wanted to unpack all of that.

“I published a pamphlet against MIRA when I was still a student” Orange revealed, smugly, and Yellow and Red looked at them with so much love and respect in their eyes it was a bit disturbing.

Lime mouthed _sexual tension_ at Pink, who nodded, fighting back their laugher. Black wondered what was going on.

The game went on. They took turn proffering the most absurd and graphic sentences, and Purple had finally stopped blushing every time someone said the word “sex” (or any word related to that) during the third round. A Lot of dirty secrets were revealed. Black finally got to drink when Lime said “Never I have ever had a crush on a crewmate”, along with half of the crew.

Pink kissed them lightly with a satisfied smile on their lips, and gave Blue the finger when they whistled.

Eventually, they decided to try another drinking game, one with cards. Needless to say, everyone was completely drunk by the time Pink and Black said they needed to go to the bathroom, and left the Cafeteria hand in hand.

Yellow didn’t even noticed they had left, absorbed by the intense game of Signals they were having with Purple, Orange and Lime.

Blue was whispering filthy things in White’s ear, and they left the Cafeteria shortly after Green decided to have an improvised karaoke session with the rest of the crew, and challenged Yellow to a singing battle on the very old song named _Never Gonna Give You Up_.

Yellow only asked where Black and Pink were once the battle was over – Green had won by popular vote, which wasn’t surprising, because Yellow hadn’t sung since their Academy days. Purple said “in the bathroom”, and Orange, who was smart, distracted their cockblocking leader with a question about MIRA’s flaws.

Green took Lime to the Green House so they could smoke in peace. Red followed them once they were sure Yellow was too focused on their “fuck MIRA” rant to notice their absence.

* * *

** Ship’s communication system **

**Mom:** okay it’s been two hours where are Pink and Black

 **BringTheBooze:** you know it’s bad when Yellow forget punctuation and capital letters

 **Mom:** shut up, where are they? And where are you, Green? Are you with Lime?

 **BringTheBooze:** yeah we’re in the green house everything’s fine don’t worry

 **Cool mom:** relax Yellow

 **Mom:** why are you texting me we are sitting right next to each other

 **Cool mom:** talking is too hard for me right now tbh

 **Nerd:** can’t feel my legsss

 **BringTheBooze:** Purple where the fuck are you

 **Nerd:** I doon’t,know

 **Mom:** Purple, are you drunk

 **Sweetheart n°2:** who isn’t :D

 **Mom:** LIME ARE YOU DRUNK? 

**Sweetheart n°2:** yes and high hihi

 **Mom:** WHO GAVE WEED TO LIME?

 **Cool mom:** Green. Green did

 **BringTheBooze:** in my defence it was Blue’s idea

 **Party Hard:** fuck off im innocent i swear affjdfdf

 **Mom:** Blue, you are sus

 **Traitor:** stop texting my partner we are in the middle of _something_ here

 **Mom:** you are the worst. All of you. The worst. I hate you.

 **Cool mom:** horny business in the dorms? How surprising

 **Mom:** I expected _you_ to behave like a responsible adult, White. I’m very disappointed.

 **Traitor:** shhhh we are busy we can talk about responsibilities tomorrow, right now _my_ responsibility is getting off. Goodnight :)

 **Sweetheart n°2** : woooaaahh :0

 **BringTheBooze:** lmaooo i love this

 **Mom:** why do I even try

 **Nerd:** (▰˘◡˘▰)

 **Mom:** seriously Purple, where are you?

 **Nerd:** idk its warm and dark

 **BringTheBooze:** that’s what they saaaaaiiiiid

 **Cool mom:** I really don’t want to know _why_ you just said that, Green

 **BringTheBooze:** ;)

 **Sweetheart n°2:** hihihi

 **Mom:** where is red

 **Nerd:** with me xoxo

 **Mom:** what???

 **Boring mom:** sorry we are having a moment. Purple is crying. It’s my duty to comfort them. They are currently in my arms, talking about how scary space is.

 **Cool mom:** do you have candies? And tissues?

 **Boring mom:** yeah don’t worry

 **BringTheBooze:** Purple is crying??? Why???

 **Boring mom:** when is Purple NOT crying

 **BringTheBooze:** true

 **Sweetheart n°2:** true :(

 **Mom:** Where. Are. Pink. And. Black.

 **Sweetheart n°2:** who knows

 **BringTheBooze:** yeah, who knows

 **Mom:** you two definitively know something.

 **Sweetheart n°2:** @ **Cool mom** don’t let Yellow leave the cafeteria please we are on our way

 **Cool mom:** no problem :)

 **Boring mom:** please tell me how you plan to do that I’m very curious.

 **Sweetheart n°2:** ORANGE JUST FUCKING. SAT ON YELLOW. LMAO THAT’S AWESOME

 **BringTheBooze:** THEY CAN DO THAT???

 **Boring mom:** I request pictures, please.

 **BringTheBooze:** [thisisanintervention.ghp]

 **Sweetheart n°2:** this is great

 **Boring mom:** oh, this is going into my blackmail folder.

 **BringTheBooze:** hold on you have a blackmail folder?? Should I be worried?

 **Boring mom:** yes. But not as much as Blue.

 **Nerd:** so cute ಥ_ಥ why are you guys so nice and sweet

 **Cool mom:** _Cute_?? Purple, are you okay?

 **Sweetheart n°2:** Orange, you should be the one concerned about your own safety Yellow is starting to get very angry :/

 **Cool mom:** I got this

 **BringTheBooze:** Yellow needs to chill

 **Cool mom:** I DON’T GOT THIS YELLOW JUST ESCAPED SHIT

 **Sweetheart n°2:** oh fuck

 **Boring mom:** Language, Lime

 **Sweetheart n°2:** oh fiddlestick

 **BringTheBooze:** @ **Weed** @ **Sweeetheart n°1** STOP KISSING YELLOW IS COMING FOR YOU

 **Boring mom:** I’m really starting to get the appeal of parties this is great.

 **Sweetheart n°1:** GUYS YOU HAD ONE JOB

* * *

**[Blue] changed the conversation’s name from _Pink and Black are going to fuk_ to _Pink and Black FUKED!!!_**

**Blue:** GOOD JOB TEAM

 **Green:** YEAH WE ROCK

 **Lime:** I’m so happy I could cry

 **Purple:** I want to throw up. But not because Pink and Black did the thing.

 **Green:** yeah, you have a hangover, get over it

 **Blue:** I feel so proud of us

 **Lime:** :D

 **Blue:** is this how Yellow feels when we do what they ask?

 **Green:** probably. They probably don’t feel like that very often tho

 **Blue:** true hehe

 **Purple:** What happened

 **Lime:** you passed out in storage while Red was trying to cheer you up. Apparently you cried for two hours about... uh. Space or stars, I think. I’m not sure :/

 **Green:** you missed out the best part, Purple

 **Purple:** ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

 **Blue:** Green, told them what happened I wasn’t here either lol (i was _making love_ to my partner)

 **Green:** nobody wants to hear about your sex life Blue shut up, so basically, we distracted Yellow with booze and karaoke after Pink and Black had snuck out to get busy in communication but at one point Yellow realized they had been fooled and tried to find them desperately while Orange ran after them telling them to chill for one in their life. It was AMAZING

 **Purple:** I’m so mad I missed that. I hope you took some videos of this mess.

 **Lime:** yes, don’t worry!

 **Green:** Red insisted we did lol they are a menace

 **Purple:** And then?

 **Green:** well, Orange managed to tackle Yellow to the ground and then they started kissing and it was very weird

 **Purple:** what

 **Green:** but at least it gave Black and Pink some time to hide in the reactor room lol

 **Purple:** Hold on, Yellow and Orange _kissed_??

 **Lime:** [makingoutinthecorridor.gph]

 **Green:** it was wild lol

 **Lime:** so much sexual tension

 **Purple:** I’m so confused right now.

 **Blue:** aren’t we all

* * *

** Ship’s communication system **

**Mom:** Terrible job, team. No more parties.

**[Party Hard] changed their name to [Responsible adult]**

**Responsible adult:** okay mom

**[BringTheBooze] changed their name to [I’ve seen the light]**

**I’ve seen the light:** sure mom

**[Sweetheart n°2] changed their name to [NotAChild]**

**NotAChild:** no problem mom

 **Mom:** Why are you so obedient. What’s happening.

**[Responsible adult] changed [Mom]’s name to [MIRA’s greatest love machine]**

**I’ve seen the light:** AHAHAHAHAIJJSAJDJA

 **Boring mom:** So you have chosen... death.

 **Cool mom:** what’s going on

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** I’m going to kill Blue.

 **Traitor:** Not before breakfast, please. Cyan likes to eat with both of their parents :)

 **Cool mom:** Ooooh I get it now

**[Responsible adult] changed [Cool mom]’s name to [SLUT]**

**SLUT:** Haha good one!

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** Blue, you really want me to give you a painful demise.

 **Responsible adult:** yes please, I crave the sweet release of death

 **Nerd:** Hi everyone

 **Boring mom:** Oohh a survivor emerges!

 **Nerd:** Red, I’m sorry about last night (ಥ﹏ಥ) I probably ruined your night

 **Boring mom:** No, don’t worry. I left the party with only one partner and when I came back, I had two. It’s a win for me.

 **Responsible adult:** Yellow, you are such a hypocrite lol

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** I don’t know what you are talking about, Blue.

 **I’ve seen the light:** no fraternization my ass, you just want all the good ones for yourself

 **SLUT:** I’m flattered you consider me a “good one”, Green J

 **I’ve seen the light:** yeah you’re cool

 **Nerd:** My head hurts.

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** Yes, that’s usually what happens when you drink two bottles of root wine. It’s called a HANGOVER.

 **I’ve seen the light:** I’ve got a hangover yohooooo I’ve been drinking too much for suuuuure

 **Boring mom:** Purple I left some pills on your nightstand take those and drink a lot of water.

 **Nerd:** Thank you Red >_>

**[Responsible adult] changed [Boring mom]’s name to [OG Mom]**

**OG Mom:** It’s an honour.

 **Sweetheart n°1:** Hi everyone!

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** YOU.

[ **MIRA’s greatest love machine] changed [Sweetheart n°1]’s name to [DISAPPOINTEMENT]**

 **Responsible adult:** lol someone’s mad

 **DISAPPOINTEMENT:** Oh come on what did I do?

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** You know what you did. I loved you, Pink. You were my favourite. And you stabbed me in the back and left me for dead.

 **DISAPPOINTEMENT:** Is this because I had sex with Black?

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** YES IT’S BECAUSE YOU HAD SEX WITH BLACK.

 **SLUT:** Yellow, stop being so dramatic

 **OG Mom:** Stay calm. No one died.

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** YET.

 **DISAPPOINTEMENT:** I’m an adult. I can have sex with whoever I want.

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** BLACK IS AN IMPOSTOR THEY ARE A DIFFERENT SPECIES.

 **DISAPPOINTEMENT:** AND WHAT ABOUT IT???

 **Responsible adult:** wow Yellow stop judging Pink

 **I’ve seen the light:** yeah monsterfuckers have rights you know

 **NotAChild:** they are very cute together. Also, Black has a very interesting tongue.

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** Not you too, Lime. 

**NotAChild:** 0:)

 **OG Mom:** don’t be specist, Yellow. Black is allowed to have a healthy sex life, even if they are an impostor. And Pink is an adult.

 **SLUT:** I think Yellow is crying, I can hear them from the Navigation Room :/

 **Traitor:** I’m on my way with a cup of tea, don’t worry.

**[Responsible adult] changed [Traitor]’s name to [Love of my Life]**

**Love of my life:** :)

 **DISAPPOINTEMENT:** I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

 **I’ve seen the light:** came out as what, a monsterfucker?

 **DISAPPOINTEMENT:** afjdkahdjhgakk fuck you Green

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** How did you do that Pink?

 **DISAPPOINTEMENT:** do what, a keysmash? Just type any letter

 **MIRA’s greatest love machine:** f

**[Several people are typing...]**

* * *

**[Blue] added [Pink] and [Black] to _Pink and Black fuked!!!_**

**Pink:** you know, maybe I should be concerned that you are so invested in my sex life

 **Blue:** admit it, you are pleased

 **Pink:** A bit. It’s nice to see you all care about us :)

 **Green:** enough with the cheese give us the good shit

 **Purple:** The cheese??

 **Green:** yeah? Something cheesy. Is cheese?

 **Purple:** NO THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS

 **Blue:** Purple just give up

 **Pink:** what do you want to know

 **Lime:** THE TONGUE!!!

 **Green:** FUCK LIME IS SO MUCH WORST THAN ME

 **Blue:** lol Lime’s right we want some details

 **Green:** the spiiiiiice

 **Purple:** Let me guess, you mean something _spicy_?

 **Green:** yeah?

 **Pink:** I’m sorry but I’m not going to tell you everything, have some respect for my intimacy pls

 **Blue:** coward

 **Pink:** but it was really good. And yes, Lime, the tongue. Is great.

 **Lime:** I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

 **Green:** I’m almost jealous tbh why are you the one who gets a hot alien partner when you weren’t even a member of the monsterfuckers club until yesterday

 **Pink:** Green. Here’s my secret. I was always a member of the monsterfuckers club. You just didn’t know it.

 **Purple:** Why is Black so quiet?

 **Pink:** oh, we just fucked in storage, they are taking a nap :) 

**Green:** Legends

 **Blue:** I LOVE YOU HAHAHHA YELLOW IS GOING TO BE SO PISSED

 **Purple:** Pink you were supposed to help me in Navigation this morning ٩◔̯◔۶

 **Pink:** sorry, my hot alien partner is more important than my tasks

 **Green:** ouch

 **Pink:** I didn’t mean it _like that_ , Green

 **Lime:** I’m so happy :D

 **Black:** hey o/

 **Blue:** hello SEX MACHINE

 **Pink:** can I kick Blue out of the group?

 **Green:** unfortunately no, they are the admin. Trust me, I tried

 **Blue:** shut up, I’m talking to my new best friend how are you Black?

 **Black:** I’m good ^̮^

 **Purple:** Blue, they are not going to give you any details, stop trying.

 **Blue:** you are the bane of my existence, Purple. Why do you have to be so PESSIMISTIC?

 **Pink:** Purple’s right, you are not going to know what happened

 **Blue:** traitors. All of you.

 **Black:** UwU

 **Blue:** don’t UwU me, Black

* * *

“I have a question” Black said, not moving from their position on the floor, their head on Pink’s lap.

“Yeah?” Pink looked up from their tablet, and yawned. It was starting to get late, and the storage room wasn’t very comfortable, even with the blanket Pink had brought.

Black pondered for a bit, probably looking for the right words. They did that a lot, and Pink loved watching them scrunch their face and stick out their tongue absently. It was very cute.

“What’s a monsterfucker, exactly?” Black asked, wrenching their neck to look at Pink’s face. Pink started giggling, their whole body shaking with laugher. They put their tablet down, and hugged Black tightly.

“It’s used to describe people who are attracted to monsters.” Pink started stroking Black’s back with one hand, the other petting their head. “Or creatures that are widely different from us, you know?”

Black stayed silent for a bit, then nodded. They had troubles keeping their eyes opened, and they made a small purring sound when Pink rubbed a spot on their neck.

“So... Green is calling you a monsterfuckers because you are with me?”

Pink laughed, and kissed Black’s forehead before responding.

“Yes, they are. I just think it’s funny so I go along with it, but if that makes you uncomfortable, I can tell them to stop.” Pink was starting to feel tired too, and they adjusted their position to lie down on the blanket more comfortably. Black shook their head vehemently, the motion halting Pink’s caresses for a second or two.

“No, it’s okay. They are right, in a way.” It wasn’t a question, but Pink still nodded, smiling. “But since you are not an impostor, does that make me a monsterfucker too?”

Pink hadn’t thought about it _that way_. They stayed silent for a moment, pondering, and when Black smiled, visibly amused by their surprise, they started laughing.

Black joined them. Cradling Black into their arms, Pink tried to stifle their giggles in Black’s shoulder, but failed.

It was a nice moment. The storage room was dimly lit, and quiet. They were just laughing in each other’s arms, trying to make sense of the sheer absurdity of their life.

And then Yellow ruined everything by barging into the room, the door loudly crashing against the wall, yelling about “ _people not doing their damn tasks and ruining my efforts to keep this ship running_ ”. When they saw Black and Pink’s more or less compromising position, they stopped, took a deep breath, and rubbed their face with enough vigour to scrub off their external skin.

“What did I say about horny stuff in the closet?” Yellow had their _I-mean-business_ tone, and Pink slowly straightened themselves, Black still huddled against them. 

“We were just napping” Pink protested weakly, vaguely trying to look inconspicuous. Based on Yellow’s stern face, it wasn’t working.

Yellow crossed their arms, probably channelling their inner parental mode, and shook their head.

“Listen, I’m over the whole _fucking another species_ thing. But don’t ignore your tasks because you can’t keep it in your pants. At least _ask me_ for a longer break, I will gladly give you an hour or two if it means I can avoid awkward situations like this one.”

Pink looked at Black, who was making a weird face, a mix of surprise and concealed amusement. Pink smiled, very slowly. Kind of like a predator spotting a juicy prey in front of them. Black felt a sudden surge of affection and horniness at this sight.

“Glad you said that, Yellow.”

Yellow seemed to realize their mistake, and their shoulders slumped. 

“You are going to use that all the time, aren’t you.” It wasn’t even a question.

“Of course. Or you are going to get into even more awkward situations” Pink said, triumphal, and they squeezed Black against them. “ _Very awkward situations_ ” they repeated, more seriously, and there was a tinge of threat behind their words.

Yellow slowly backed up toward the exit, nodding half-heartedly, their mind probably spinning from the onslaught of _very awkward situations_ their mind was picturing. Black and Pink waved cheerfully at them until the door was closed.

“You are a genius” Black whispered, their words barely audible. Pink snickered, and briefly kissed the tip of Black’s noise before lying down again on the blanket.

“Yeah. It was almost too easy, you know.” Pink sounded very satisfied, and Black liked that tone very much. They crawled a little bit to reach Pink’s face, and kissed them.

* * *

** Private conversation: _Proud parents of a few dumbass kids_ **

**Yellow:** I fucked up.

 **Red:** Considering our daily life’s experiences, you will have to be more specific than that, honey.

 **Yellow:** It was a trap. And I realized it too late.

 **Orange:** why are you so dramatic, did somebody died or something?

 **Red:** Being dramatic is Yellow’s way of dealing with things, Orange. Don’t worry about it too much.

 **Orange:** oh, I know. I’m not worried.

 **Yellow:** I WALKED ON BLACK AND PINK CUDDLING IN THE STORAGE ROOM AND WHEN I TRIED TO TELL THEM TO STOP DOING THAT DURING THEIR SHIFT PINK PLAYED ME.

 **Red:** What do you mean?

 **Orange:** cuddling? Wow that’s a bit too graphic for me

 **Yellow:** I told them I was willing to give them a longer break, and Pink was like “oh I will definitely use that in the future, thanks!” because they KNOW I don’t want to walk on them having sex. I’m an idiot.

 **Orange:** that’s it? It’s not too bad, I don’t see why you are making a big deal out of that.

 **Red:** I think I understand. They are going to use Yellow’s prudish behaviour to get more free time, am I right?

 **Yellow:** I’m not prudish. I’m simply respectful of personal boundaries. Especially when it comes to sex.

 **Orange:** lol. You kissed me in the middle of the corridor and we made out for twenty minutes while Lime was recording the whole thing.

 **Red:** “Personal boundaries” you just don’t like the idea of Pink having sex, admit it.

 **Yellow:** Hey aren’t you two supposed to love me? Why are you dragging me like that.

 **Red:** Just because I love you doesn’t mean I can’t roast you, pumpkin.

 **Orange:** we are allowed to poke fun at your flaws, chubby bunny

 **Yellow:** Adding pet names to your sentences doesn’t make them any less hurtful.

 **Red:** Maybe, but you love it, sweet cakes.

 **Orange:** Baby boo

 **Red:** Snuggle butt

 **Orange:** Honey bun

 **Yellow:** I knew it was a mistake to fall in love with you two.

 **Red:** Deal with it. You’re stuck with us now.

 **Orange:** On a lighter note: I tried to bake some cookies this morning. If you want some, come to the med bay.

 **Red:** The Med Bay??? Why? There is going to be so many crumbs in my files.

 **Orange:** It’s the only place where our demonic adopted children won’t bother us. If you catch my drift.

 **Yellow:** Smart. 

**Red:** Well. I do want some cookies. Save some for me.

 **Orange:** don’t worry, there is more than enough for the three of us. *insert bad sex joke here*

 **Red:** You need to stop hanging out with Blue, they are a bad influence.

 **Orange:** true. Instead of a joke, let’s try this: WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME IN THE MED BAY?

 **Red:** Oh nice. I wasn’t sure you were suggesting that. I will be here in five minutes.

 **Yellow:** On my way.

 **Red:** But did you lie about the cookies?

 **Orange:** no

 **Red:** Nice.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Very dumb but fun to write: that's my brand now. 
> 
> Please drink responsibly and remember that alcohol/drug abuse is dangerous for your health! 
> 
> Take care <3


End file.
